Advice for a Friend

Hello readers!

Ok. I know I'm a bad blogger and haven't written lately. But today, I feel like I have to, cause a topic came up in casual conversation that I feel might help a lot of people out.


Ever heard of Newton's first law of motion?
"Lex I: Corpus omne perseverare in statu suo quiescendi vel movendi uniformiter in directum, nisi quatenus a viribus impressis cogitur statum illum mutare.

Every body perseveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight forward, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by force impressed."


Ok. An object at rest will stay at rest until acted upon by an outside force.
Seems simple enough? Another way to look at it (in my opinion) is that a person needs to initiate change, it's not just going to happen.

(voice from the crowd)"But Mary, change is unstoppable! You can't stop evolution!" Right. Not quite what I'm talking about. I'm talking about things you CAN and SHOULD change.

You hate your job? Well. Sitting on your ass, not updating your resume, not even looking for a new job, not obtaining skills or certifications that would improve your chances of getting a new job is really not the way to go about it.

You hate your looks? Eating doritos and drinking Caribou and sitting on your ass over 50 hours a week is also not quite the right way to go about it.

I know, its like the pot calling the kettle black here. But hear me out. I have a master plan.

Define what you want
Step one is to define your goals. be very clear about this. What exactly is it that you want? List out the details, be extra specific. You can definitely have more than one goal at a time, but I would advise that too many at one time will increase the likelihood of failure.

**sample**Bad goal: I want to lose weight. Good Goal: I want to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. I want to fit into size 12 or smaller clothing.

Know what you have
Step two is to know where you're starting from. Knowledge is power, look for any FACTS related to your goal that you can scrounge up. Don't skip it just because it seems small or insignificant.

**sample**In my losing weight example I listed all my current measurements, what size I'm in, what gym memberships I have and am not using, What I eat on a normal day (and THAT is scary).

Make a game plan
Now comes the fun part. Figure out what steps you need to take to get from where you are to where you want to be. Write them out, draw doodles, think of potential obstacles and how you can avoid them.

**sample** I can make it a habit to go to the gym instead of an occurance. I can enroll to use the gym here at work. I can stop eating fast food for every meal if I plan ahead. I can hang up pictures to remind me of my goal. I can find a weight loss buddy. I forsee the holiday season being an obstacle, but I can work around this by using my brain at parties and making healthy choices.

Review and revise
Well. You made a plan and followed through. Did you get to your destination or get stranded somewhere along the way? If you made it, congrats! If not, don't worry. now you get to figure out what went wrong and how you can fix it. Figure out your lifeline and use it. You aren't always going to succeed in everything you do. You just have to roll with it.

**sample** I only lost 10 pounds. I struggled with cutting back on soda, and I was not eligible for the gym at work as I'm only a contractor, not a full time employee. I can try again on the soda thing, and I can start going to the other gym I have a memebership at.



I challenge you to make your own plan and stick to it.
Adios!

What I want, what I need...

Hello! Greetings and Salutations!


So. In the last couple months or so I have discovered that dating sucks. I haven't ever really "dated"... most of my relationships are extreme "forever" commitment from the start, with me moving in instantaneously. So this is new for me.

Met guys that seem interested, then blow you off and never talk to you again. At least have the courtesy to tell me you're not interested.

Met guys who are not okay with me having a kid - which is fine, but I make no secret of having Kristen or my desire to have at least one more in the future and I expect to be told up front if you can't handle that before I develop any sort of feelings for you. Nothing sucks more than really liking someone only to find out they hate kids/don't want kids or don't want to be a semi-father to Kris.

After a few real disappointments I decided to list what I want out of dating someone.

1)I want someone who likes my personality and intelligence as much or more than my appearance/sex drive. I like to think I'm a nice, smart girl and nothing irks me more than a guy who can't wait to get in my pants. I need a guy who can hold a conversation about things other than sports or beer.

2)However, I am also still female. I like to be told I'm pretty. I like to be cuddled, fawned over... I like a guy who notices when I take the time to straighten my hair because it takes a long ass time or when I wear makeup because I don't do it often. I like a guy who likes to do the little things not because he has to but because he wants to. A single flower on a bad day can be worth more than a huge diamond necklace at Christmas.

3)I want a guy who can support himself. I worked really hard to get to where I am in life and I am so incredibly tired of lending exuberant amounts of money to a boyfriend and not ever getting it all back. I have no problem with paying my fair share or slightly more, but if you're *UNEMPLOYED* you better have a damn good reason and have a plan to start earning some income in the extremely near future - this girl don't want no scrubs!

4)I like a guy who is interested in culture and the arts. Call me lame, but I hang out with my girl friends to have "surface talk" as I call it. If my boyfriend wanted to talk about who he thinks Flavor Flav should pick on Flavor of Love 3 or who will be America's Next Top Model I'd be scared. It's not that I don't think my girlfriends are capable of discussing Dante's Inferno or their take on who the greatest visual artist is of our era, cause they very likely would be great to talk to about that... but I don't think that sort of stuff interests them. I like learning for the sake of learning and hope to find someone who does as well.

5)And on that topic, I want a guy who wants to meet my girlfriends. Who wants to go on lame double dates to the Venue with Jeri and Kent or to a mall and get lost for hours with Lauretta. These girls are my heart and soul and a gigantic part of my life. I'm tired of boyfriends who try to seclude me from the world. Be a man, grow some balls. Accept the fact that I am going to make time to see them and either come with or hang out with your own friends or alone. Likewise, I also will not piss and moan when you have somewhere to be that I don't want to go to.

6)I'm looking for something serious. Let's face it, I'm 25 with an almost 6 year old kid. I want to have a brother or sister for her before she's too old for them to know each other. My divorce was just finalized recently so I'm not looking to hop right back into marriage, but I'm not looking for a one-night, one-week, one-month sorta thing either.

7)I want a guy who either plays video games or has no opposition to playing video games. I apparantly spend a lot of time doing this and need someone who is accepting of this fact.

I personally don't think it should be this hard to find someone who fits into these things, but it is.

Grrr

stop the avalanche!

Hello readers!

Well. It's been hectic. Since you last heard from me I have made at least 2 horrible mistakes, had at least 5 bad ideas and done 15 stupid things.

And today I have decided to stop the avalanche. Realize when I've made a mistake and don't make a new mistake to try to cope with the original mistake. Accept it and move on.

Any advice how to do that?

the drawbacks of the electronic age

Hello readers!

As someone who works in the IT field, it is strange that I would ponder what we have gained and what we have lost by becoming incredibly more electronic.

Today at work, life was disastrous. Some poor girl tried to email a simple request to our electronic support mailbox. Thanks to a slip up, she inadvertantly mailed her request to all users who have our instant messenger tool installed. We're talking globally. All of a sudden inboxes were FLOODED with "I wasn't supposed to get this," "You've got the wrong person," "stop replying to all" etc. messages. It was to the point that I had to put up a rule to filter those messages out and deliver them straight to the deleted items bin. It severely interfered with my workday.

So then I got to thinking about life in the year 2007.

I can do almost anything I need to do electronically.
-I don't think I've deposited a PAYCHECK in years. Checks from my mom, sister, grandpa, yes... but my paycheck is direct deposit. I use my check card for almost every purchase I make. The mere existance of banks where you can open an account without even signing your name is incredible. The only thing I choose to write a check for still is my rent, and with my ING direct electric orange checking account I can even have a paper check mailed to them directly, thus eliminating my need for a checkbook.
-I can buy clothing, groceries, gifts, electronics, medications, books, etc. online. You can even buy houses and vehicles online if you really want.
-I send pictures of my daughter to family across the country in an instant.
-I talk to friends without dialing a phone through MSN or AIM.
-I've never seen my best guy friend Alex in real life, but I could pick him out of a lineup if I had to because we share video with our webcams.
-Hell, I met the top 5 people I talk to the most online - and married one of them. (Jeri : AOL. Lauretta : AOL. Alex : FFXI. Julian : FFXI. Matt#1: AOL.)
-We expect instant everything, to the point that when I'm on the phone with a client and I'm waiting for them to email me screenshots of their error message it's taking TOO LONG .. 30 whole seconds.

I'll admit, I LOVE technology. But look at what we've lost - the human factor.

For probably 6 months last year, I forgot how to write with a pen and paper. I actually had agraphia from not ever using those skills. Now I make sure to write as much as possible. I take notes on every phone call I take. That's a really scary thing when you have a kindergartener who is learning how to write and spell.

I don't have a lot of phone conversations outside of work. Some would say it is purely BECAUSE I take phone calls all day, but in reality I find the peace of mind of knowing that I can erase something I type before I send it to be very reassuring.

Movie review : Adam and Steve

Hello readers!

Tonight I watched the movie Adam and Steve. The plot was easy to follow... two guys meet in the 80's, and the meeting goes terribly. They don't see each other again for years and when they do they end up dating and falling in love without realizing they had already met.

This movie made me laugh for several reasons. My best guy friend is madly in love with another man, so I sympathize with the "female friend" role played by Parker Posey. I've had the friend who sleeps on my couch for years and turns into my best friend - played by my ex-husband lookalike Chris Kattan. I've also definitely had the horrible first date and so to be able to be optimistic that maybe we'll meet again is whimsical and romantic.

I'd definitely recommend this movie as a funny romantic comedy. Maybe not a "buy it new" but definitely a "buy it used".

It should be mentioned that while it does not contain nearly as many homosexual lovey-touchy parts as Brokeback Mountain, it does contain several scenes of it so if you are offended by that, pass this one up.

For tomorrow, a book review!

silence is astounding

Hello readers!

I apologize for the lack-o'-blog at the end of last week. I was busy preparing for what I have termed "Hell-weekend 2007". I had to spend a total of about 13 hours driving with 3 children ages 5 years, 4 years and 3 months. Let's just say, not fun.

So today, I was hoping for some peace and quiet - when sure enough work was hectic.

I've come to realize that silence is something that you don't really miss until you haven't had any for a while. I used to think I was one of those people who always needed noise; I always sleep with the TV on, I can't drive without the radio, etc. But now I'm reconsidering that position.

thoughts

Hello readers!

Today's blog is going to be about social networking sites. I have accounts on both Myspace and Facebook.

Lets start from the beginning.
Summer 2000 - First, I had AOL. That was the place to start when you were 18, got your first computer on your own. Places - Minneapolis and me all the way. I actually don't remember what my very very first screen name was. I know my second was joesgirl426 ... when I was dating Joe Krautkramer. Laugh all you want. Shortly after that came Momentarygenius - one of the 3 names I go by still. (momentarygenius, xgeniusx, or rysah57)

January 2002 - I got a deadjournal. Mostly to rant about how much I desperately wanted to have Kristen! I wrote often, a lot about my failing marriage. It's almost strange to go back and read some of it.

Deadjournal took a dive in the Fall of '04, so then I migrated to livejournal, along with most of my frends. This was a big transition time in my life, I was no longer with Matt#1 and definitely vulnerable.

I started at the TCF Helpdesk in Nov of '05 and I started a myspace. Most of my friends on there were either carry-overs from prior online sites/in real life or TCF coworkers.

I started a blogger account when I realized I wanted a place to write serious blogs.

Then this past September I got on facebook. And it's funny, because for the most part, the people I was friends with at the beginning are still my friends at the end.

Which do you recommend?

I'm actually most pleased with Facebook. I've found people from elementary school, and been able to see what they are up to. I went out for drinks with an ex from high school just to shoot the shit. Not to mention I've joined groups about completely random things like the choir I used to be in, a group for band geeks, for alumni from my high school, go red for women, the morning show I listen to, Sidekick lovers, and Nintendo DS owners. It's a great way to find people I've lost and meet people who are freaks like me.

However, now that there is a Myspace app for the sidekick I do find myself on there pretty frequently. I've almost completely abandoned livejournal other than the communities I'm in, I HAVE abandoned deadjournal and AOL.


So that's my online history. What's yours?