if your slate is clean

Hello again readers!

Today I'm pretty lost in thought... and I'm thinking about friendship. I have very few really close friends, and I like it that way. Lonely, yes, but I know who I can count on to tell me not to go blonde because it will turn out orange and who will remind me of the 239 reasons why I can not upon penalty of a broken heart go back to a certain ex-boyfriend.

I'm the kind of girl who would take a bullet for a friend rather than save herself. I actually consider it a downfall of mine cause I have gotten screwed over many-a-time over it. But in the case of my two best friends, it's so worth it.

I know I've written little blurbs about my two best friends before, but I really want them to know how much they mean to me. I worry sometimes that they forget that I love them - but that may just be the bpd in me (if I forget about them, they'll forget about me).

...If it were not for Lauretta and Jeri, I would not be here...

Plain and simple.

I have had "friends" that have come through for me once or twice, but no one can conpare to Jeri and Lauretta. Yes, I went through a phase where I didn't talk to them for varying reasons (mainly because at the time I was distancing myself from people in general). And I'm sure they both hated me at one point too. But, we were girls then, late teens and early twenties. Drama meant everything, truth and honesty meant nothing.

We are now all adults, and are all trying to behave like adults. We're all raising fantastic children, we're all progressing into more grown-up careers, we're all living on our own (well, I'm living with my sister, not the same as living with parents!) and we all realize there is better things to do with our time than go out every night and get wasted. There's more to life than talking shit about people just to hear yourself talk.

I think my best friends are beautiful women, inside and out, and what I feel for them is deeper than friendship, stronger than love.