acceptance

Hello readers!

Friday I wrote a little bit that probably appealed to my bpd-suffering readers more than anyone else, but I promise it can be applied to everyone else too! Today's blog is going to be on that same line, primarily for those readers, but I think everyone can get something out of it.

Today I'm going to write about acceptance. Yes, there is the serenity prayer (you know, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.) But that's not really all there is to acceptance.


Accepting Crises
You are going along, minding your own business, and a piano falls on your head. If that wasn't bad enough, you also get hit by a bus and struck by lightning at the same time. Do you chalk it up to a bad day, or let it control your life?

Ok, bad example. But for a borderline, even the small things like wrong coffee from Caribou or hitting 3 stoplights in a row can be the same thing as major disasters. Everything that goes wrong goes extremely wrong. It's not that we are drama queens or kings, it's more like we perceive everything to be critical in some way.

One step on the road to normal is to re-evaluate this thinking. Shit happens, so to speak. You can't control the world, no matter how hard you try. Things are going to break, fail, explode, crash, burn, die, spill, stop... cause and effect. Try to realize that each little event is insignificant. If you won't remember it in 2 weeks, it's not important. 9/11? Important. Missed the elevator at work? Not important.

Accepting Criticism
Another thing you have to learn to accept is criticism. Borderlines take everything literally and seriously, when they shouldn't. And it's funny, because some of us like myself tend to be sarcastic often. When it's time for your annual review at work, your boss SHOULD point out what you're doing well first. But if he/she doesn't, don't fret. He/she wants you to do good at your job, it's more profitable for them. More often than not, criticism isn't about you PERSONALLY, it's about something you either knowingly or unknowingly do. IT ISN'T PERSONAL! Determine what the person is really saying, and take it to heart. Your boss complains that you are always late. It's Not Personal, he just wants you to be punctual. An friend comments that you've gained weight. It's Not Personal, he/she is just concerned.

What's great about mastering this ability is the way it makes the cases where it IS personal easy. An ex says I was horrible in bed. Now that I see everything as Not Personal, I think to myself, "Well. That's his opinion. Our personalities in that department just didn't click," even if he really did say it to be a jerkoff. You'd be surprised how much that helps.


Accepting Others
Closely related to Accepting Criticism is Accepting Others. You are your own person. You have your own thoughts and feelings. You have preferences, dislikes, illnesses, irritants. You have mannerisms. You have things you are good at, and things you are not so good at. Common sense tells us that other people are the same way. It's OK if their things aren't the same as yours. It's almost selfish to make them change to be like you.

In order to function in society, you really need to accept that other people are different. You ultimately have no control over them. A parent can discipline their child til they are blue in the face, but if the kid still wants to misbehave they are going to. You can send your alcoholic boyfriend to AA, but unless he wants to change you are still going to see him at the bar from 10am til 2am. You can tell your caller not to cancel their H drive synchronization, but you can't make them listen to you.
You can advise, plead, beg, but ultimately anything they do is their fault - good or bad.


Accepting Yourself
Yep. The hardest one of all is accepting yourself. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I know I sure as hell do. And you will never be perfect. I'm not saying give up on your dreams and goals because everyone needs something to inspire them, something to live for. I am saying to be careful.

I have friends who are beautiful. And they are not happy with themselves. They are taking things that are not intended to be in your body in an attempt to lose weight when it's not necessary. As someone who Accepts Others, I accept that they are making this decision. I don't have to like it, I don't have to agree with it, all I can do is voice my concerns.

I on the other hand, admit to being overweight. I admit to hating the way I look. However, I also am not going to take extreme risks with my body as I've already lost it once before. I have accepted that choice. I also accept responsibility of my decision not to take crazy non-approved drugs. I may lose weight slower by drinking more water, cutting soda and fast food, walking more and lifting small weights, but I'll get to my goal in a way that works for me.

Accepting yourself also means accepting your past in it's entirety. I'll admit I had problems. I had REAL problems. I still do have problems. I can not do a damn thing now about the past, can I?. Nopers. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I did recreational drugs, I had lots of premarital sex. I was about as far from perfect as one can get. And yet, I don't feel sorry for it. I am who I am, like it or leave it be.

The best part about accepting yourself is that eventually accepting yourself turns to liking yourself, to loving yourself. That's a good road to be on.



Hopefully this post was helpful to you readers,
Til tomorrow,
M