Hello readers!
Tonight I watched the movie Adam and Steve. The plot was easy to follow... two guys meet in the 80's, and the meeting goes terribly. They don't see each other again for years and when they do they end up dating and falling in love without realizing they had already met.
This movie made me laugh for several reasons. My best guy friend is madly in love with another man, so I sympathize with the "female friend" role played by Parker Posey. I've had the friend who sleeps on my couch for years and turns into my best friend - played by my ex-husband lookalike Chris Kattan. I've also definitely had the horrible first date and so to be able to be optimistic that maybe we'll meet again is whimsical and romantic.
I'd definitely recommend this movie as a funny romantic comedy. Maybe not a "buy it new" but definitely a "buy it used".
It should be mentioned that while it does not contain nearly as many homosexual lovey-touchy parts as Brokeback Mountain, it does contain several scenes of it so if you are offended by that, pass this one up.
For tomorrow, a book review!
10.09.2007
10.08.2007
silence is astounding
Hello readers!
I apologize for the lack-o'-blog at the end of last week. I was busy preparing for what I have termed "Hell-weekend 2007". I had to spend a total of about 13 hours driving with 3 children ages 5 years, 4 years and 3 months. Let's just say, not fun.
So today, I was hoping for some peace and quiet - when sure enough work was hectic.
I've come to realize that silence is something that you don't really miss until you haven't had any for a while. I used to think I was one of those people who always needed noise; I always sleep with the TV on, I can't drive without the radio, etc. But now I'm reconsidering that position.
I apologize for the lack-o'-blog at the end of last week. I was busy preparing for what I have termed "Hell-weekend 2007". I had to spend a total of about 13 hours driving with 3 children ages 5 years, 4 years and 3 months. Let's just say, not fun.
So today, I was hoping for some peace and quiet - when sure enough work was hectic.
I've come to realize that silence is something that you don't really miss until you haven't had any for a while. I used to think I was one of those people who always needed noise; I always sleep with the TV on, I can't drive without the radio, etc. But now I'm reconsidering that position.
10.02.2007
thoughts
Hello readers!
Today's blog is going to be about social networking sites. I have accounts on both Myspace and Facebook.
Lets start from the beginning.
Summer 2000 - First, I had AOL. That was the place to start when you were 18, got your first computer on your own. Places - Minneapolis and me all the way. I actually don't remember what my very very first screen name was. I know my second was joesgirl426 ... when I was dating Joe Krautkramer. Laugh all you want. Shortly after that came Momentarygenius - one of the 3 names I go by still. (momentarygenius, xgeniusx, or rysah57)
January 2002 - I got a deadjournal. Mostly to rant about how much I desperately wanted to have Kristen! I wrote often, a lot about my failing marriage. It's almost strange to go back and read some of it.
Deadjournal took a dive in the Fall of '04, so then I migrated to livejournal, along with most of my frends. This was a big transition time in my life, I was no longer with Matt#1 and definitely vulnerable.
I started at the TCF Helpdesk in Nov of '05 and I started a myspace. Most of my friends on there were either carry-overs from prior online sites/in real life or TCF coworkers.
I started a blogger account when I realized I wanted a place to write serious blogs.
Then this past September I got on facebook. And it's funny, because for the most part, the people I was friends with at the beginning are still my friends at the end.
Which do you recommend?
I'm actually most pleased with Facebook. I've found people from elementary school, and been able to see what they are up to. I went out for drinks with an ex from high school just to shoot the shit. Not to mention I've joined groups about completely random things like the choir I used to be in, a group for band geeks, for alumni from my high school, go red for women, the morning show I listen to, Sidekick lovers, and Nintendo DS owners. It's a great way to find people I've lost and meet people who are freaks like me.
However, now that there is a Myspace app for the sidekick I do find myself on there pretty frequently. I've almost completely abandoned livejournal other than the communities I'm in, I HAVE abandoned deadjournal and AOL.
So that's my online history. What's yours?
Today's blog is going to be about social networking sites. I have accounts on both Myspace and Facebook.
Lets start from the beginning.
Summer 2000 - First, I had AOL. That was the place to start when you were 18, got your first computer on your own. Places - Minneapolis and me all the way. I actually don't remember what my very very first screen name was. I know my second was joesgirl426 ... when I was dating Joe Krautkramer. Laugh all you want. Shortly after that came Momentarygenius - one of the 3 names I go by still. (momentarygenius, xgeniusx, or rysah57)
January 2002 - I got a deadjournal. Mostly to rant about how much I desperately wanted to have Kristen! I wrote often, a lot about my failing marriage. It's almost strange to go back and read some of it.
Deadjournal took a dive in the Fall of '04, so then I migrated to livejournal, along with most of my frends. This was a big transition time in my life, I was no longer with Matt#1 and definitely vulnerable.
I started at the TCF Helpdesk in Nov of '05 and I started a myspace. Most of my friends on there were either carry-overs from prior online sites/in real life or TCF coworkers.
I started a blogger account when I realized I wanted a place to write serious blogs.
Then this past September I got on facebook. And it's funny, because for the most part, the people I was friends with at the beginning are still my friends at the end.
Which do you recommend?
I'm actually most pleased with Facebook. I've found people from elementary school, and been able to see what they are up to. I went out for drinks with an ex from high school just to shoot the shit. Not to mention I've joined groups about completely random things like the choir I used to be in, a group for band geeks, for alumni from my high school, go red for women, the morning show I listen to, Sidekick lovers, and Nintendo DS owners. It's a great way to find people I've lost and meet people who are freaks like me.
However, now that there is a Myspace app for the sidekick I do find myself on there pretty frequently. I've almost completely abandoned livejournal other than the communities I'm in, I HAVE abandoned deadjournal and AOL.
So that's my online history. What's yours?
10.01.2007
acceptance
Hello readers!
Friday I wrote a little bit that probably appealed to my bpd-suffering readers more than anyone else, but I promise it can be applied to everyone else too! Today's blog is going to be on that same line, primarily for those readers, but I think everyone can get something out of it.
Today I'm going to write about acceptance. Yes, there is the serenity prayer (you know, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.) But that's not really all there is to acceptance.
Accepting Crises
You are going along, minding your own business, and a piano falls on your head. If that wasn't bad enough, you also get hit by a bus and struck by lightning at the same time. Do you chalk it up to a bad day, or let it control your life?
Ok, bad example. But for a borderline, even the small things like wrong coffee from Caribou or hitting 3 stoplights in a row can be the same thing as major disasters. Everything that goes wrong goes extremely wrong. It's not that we are drama queens or kings, it's more like we perceive everything to be critical in some way.
One step on the road to normal is to re-evaluate this thinking. Shit happens, so to speak. You can't control the world, no matter how hard you try. Things are going to break, fail, explode, crash, burn, die, spill, stop... cause and effect. Try to realize that each little event is insignificant. If you won't remember it in 2 weeks, it's not important. 9/11? Important. Missed the elevator at work? Not important.
Accepting Criticism
Another thing you have to learn to accept is criticism. Borderlines take everything literally and seriously, when they shouldn't. And it's funny, because some of us like myself tend to be sarcastic often. When it's time for your annual review at work, your boss SHOULD point out what you're doing well first. But if he/she doesn't, don't fret. He/she wants you to do good at your job, it's more profitable for them. More often than not, criticism isn't about you PERSONALLY, it's about something you either knowingly or unknowingly do. IT ISN'T PERSONAL! Determine what the person is really saying, and take it to heart. Your boss complains that you are always late. It's Not Personal, he just wants you to be punctual. An friend comments that you've gained weight. It's Not Personal, he/she is just concerned.
What's great about mastering this ability is the way it makes the cases where it IS personal easy. An ex says I was horrible in bed. Now that I see everything as Not Personal, I think to myself, "Well. That's his opinion. Our personalities in that department just didn't click," even if he really did say it to be a jerkoff. You'd be surprised how much that helps.
Accepting Others
Closely related to Accepting Criticism is Accepting Others. You are your own person. You have your own thoughts and feelings. You have preferences, dislikes, illnesses, irritants. You have mannerisms. You have things you are good at, and things you are not so good at. Common sense tells us that other people are the same way. It's OK if their things aren't the same as yours. It's almost selfish to make them change to be like you.
In order to function in society, you really need to accept that other people are different. You ultimately have no control over them. A parent can discipline their child til they are blue in the face, but if the kid still wants to misbehave they are going to. You can send your alcoholic boyfriend to AA, but unless he wants to change you are still going to see him at the bar from 10am til 2am. You can tell your caller not to cancel their H drive synchronization, but you can't make them listen to you.
You can advise, plead, beg, but ultimately anything they do is their fault - good or bad.
Accepting Yourself
Yep. The hardest one of all is accepting yourself. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I know I sure as hell do. And you will never be perfect. I'm not saying give up on your dreams and goals because everyone needs something to inspire them, something to live for. I am saying to be careful.
I have friends who are beautiful. And they are not happy with themselves. They are taking things that are not intended to be in your body in an attempt to lose weight when it's not necessary. As someone who Accepts Others, I accept that they are making this decision. I don't have to like it, I don't have to agree with it, all I can do is voice my concerns.
I on the other hand, admit to being overweight. I admit to hating the way I look. However, I also am not going to take extreme risks with my body as I've already lost it once before. I have accepted that choice. I also accept responsibility of my decision not to take crazy non-approved drugs. I may lose weight slower by drinking more water, cutting soda and fast food, walking more and lifting small weights, but I'll get to my goal in a way that works for me.
Accepting yourself also means accepting your past in it's entirety. I'll admit I had problems. I had REAL problems. I still do have problems. I can not do a damn thing now about the past, can I?. Nopers. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I did recreational drugs, I had lots of premarital sex. I was about as far from perfect as one can get. And yet, I don't feel sorry for it. I am who I am, like it or leave it be.
The best part about accepting yourself is that eventually accepting yourself turns to liking yourself, to loving yourself. That's a good road to be on.
Hopefully this post was helpful to you readers,
Til tomorrow,
M
Friday I wrote a little bit that probably appealed to my bpd-suffering readers more than anyone else, but I promise it can be applied to everyone else too! Today's blog is going to be on that same line, primarily for those readers, but I think everyone can get something out of it.
Today I'm going to write about acceptance. Yes, there is the serenity prayer (you know, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.) But that's not really all there is to acceptance.
Accepting Crises
You are going along, minding your own business, and a piano falls on your head. If that wasn't bad enough, you also get hit by a bus and struck by lightning at the same time. Do you chalk it up to a bad day, or let it control your life?
Ok, bad example. But for a borderline, even the small things like wrong coffee from Caribou or hitting 3 stoplights in a row can be the same thing as major disasters. Everything that goes wrong goes extremely wrong. It's not that we are drama queens or kings, it's more like we perceive everything to be critical in some way.
One step on the road to normal is to re-evaluate this thinking. Shit happens, so to speak. You can't control the world, no matter how hard you try. Things are going to break, fail, explode, crash, burn, die, spill, stop... cause and effect. Try to realize that each little event is insignificant. If you won't remember it in 2 weeks, it's not important. 9/11? Important. Missed the elevator at work? Not important.
Accepting Criticism
Another thing you have to learn to accept is criticism. Borderlines take everything literally and seriously, when they shouldn't. And it's funny, because some of us like myself tend to be sarcastic often. When it's time for your annual review at work, your boss SHOULD point out what you're doing well first. But if he/she doesn't, don't fret. He/she wants you to do good at your job, it's more profitable for them. More often than not, criticism isn't about you PERSONALLY, it's about something you either knowingly or unknowingly do. IT ISN'T PERSONAL! Determine what the person is really saying, and take it to heart. Your boss complains that you are always late. It's Not Personal, he just wants you to be punctual. An friend comments that you've gained weight. It's Not Personal, he/she is just concerned.
What's great about mastering this ability is the way it makes the cases where it IS personal easy. An ex says I was horrible in bed. Now that I see everything as Not Personal, I think to myself, "Well. That's his opinion. Our personalities in that department just didn't click," even if he really did say it to be a jerkoff. You'd be surprised how much that helps.
Accepting Others
Closely related to Accepting Criticism is Accepting Others. You are your own person. You have your own thoughts and feelings. You have preferences, dislikes, illnesses, irritants. You have mannerisms. You have things you are good at, and things you are not so good at. Common sense tells us that other people are the same way. It's OK if their things aren't the same as yours. It's almost selfish to make them change to be like you.
In order to function in society, you really need to accept that other people are different. You ultimately have no control over them. A parent can discipline their child til they are blue in the face, but if the kid still wants to misbehave they are going to. You can send your alcoholic boyfriend to AA, but unless he wants to change you are still going to see him at the bar from 10am til 2am. You can tell your caller not to cancel their H drive synchronization, but you can't make them listen to you.
You can advise, plead, beg, but ultimately anything they do is their fault - good or bad.
Accepting Yourself
Yep. The hardest one of all is accepting yourself. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I know I sure as hell do. And you will never be perfect. I'm not saying give up on your dreams and goals because everyone needs something to inspire them, something to live for. I am saying to be careful.
I have friends who are beautiful. And they are not happy with themselves. They are taking things that are not intended to be in your body in an attempt to lose weight when it's not necessary. As someone who Accepts Others, I accept that they are making this decision. I don't have to like it, I don't have to agree with it, all I can do is voice my concerns.
I on the other hand, admit to being overweight. I admit to hating the way I look. However, I also am not going to take extreme risks with my body as I've already lost it once before. I have accepted that choice. I also accept responsibility of my decision not to take crazy non-approved drugs. I may lose weight slower by drinking more water, cutting soda and fast food, walking more and lifting small weights, but I'll get to my goal in a way that works for me.
Accepting yourself also means accepting your past in it's entirety. I'll admit I had problems. I had REAL problems. I still do have problems. I can not do a damn thing now about the past, can I?. Nopers. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I did recreational drugs, I had lots of premarital sex. I was about as far from perfect as one can get. And yet, I don't feel sorry for it. I am who I am, like it or leave it be.
The best part about accepting yourself is that eventually accepting yourself turns to liking yourself, to loving yourself. That's a good road to be on.
Hopefully this post was helpful to you readers,
Til tomorrow,
M
9.28.2007
catching yourself
Hello readers!
One thing that my therapist and I have discussed at great lengths is catching yourself before you fall.
When a person with bpd encounters an obstacle in the "road of life", let me tell you, they fall and they fall hard. This leads to cuts and bruises that last for a long time. They lack the ability to see ahead that the road clears up, and they lack the ability to learn from their mistakes. This leads to a vicious cycle of falling and hurting and falling and hurting instead of falling and hurting and healing by avoiding the obstacles in the first place.
I know I am a victim to this. I make the same mistakes over and over again, even though I should know better. No matter how many times I convince myself I've learned my lesson, all thought goes out of my head when I'm actually in the situation. So my next step is learning how to stop and think. It's just like our "theme" here at work. Stop. Think. Protect. Yes, my work life applies to my personal life. Insane, I know.
So I'm going to start looking ahead, down that path of life, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to avoid the giant rocks (aka matt#2.)
One thing that my therapist and I have discussed at great lengths is catching yourself before you fall.
When a person with bpd encounters an obstacle in the "road of life", let me tell you, they fall and they fall hard. This leads to cuts and bruises that last for a long time. They lack the ability to see ahead that the road clears up, and they lack the ability to learn from their mistakes. This leads to a vicious cycle of falling and hurting and falling and hurting instead of falling and hurting and healing by avoiding the obstacles in the first place.
I know I am a victim to this. I make the same mistakes over and over again, even though I should know better. No matter how many times I convince myself I've learned my lesson, all thought goes out of my head when I'm actually in the situation. So my next step is learning how to stop and think. It's just like our "theme" here at work. Stop. Think. Protect. Yes, my work life applies to my personal life. Insane, I know.
So I'm going to start looking ahead, down that path of life, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to avoid the giant rocks (aka matt#2.)
9.26.2007
OMG I almost forgot a blog today!
Hello readers!
You will be happy to hear that with my new hours, I have been incredibly busy at work. The down side is that I have less time for blog writing.
I may need to reschedule my blogging time to later in the evening...
You will be happy to hear that with my new hours, I have been incredibly busy at work. The down side is that I have less time for blog writing.
I may need to reschedule my blogging time to later in the evening...
9.25.2007
excitement is growing
Hello readers!
I must say I love fall.
I'm not much of a TV watcher - I get my news from the internet and spend most of my time on my computer listening to music and surfing the webz or watching DVD's of one of the shows below.
Tonight, one of my favorite shows (House, season 4) has it's season premiere. for anyone who has not watched House - get with the program. Seriously.
I sadly missed last weeks premiere of America's Next Top Model cycle 9... and can't hardly believe there have been 9 cycles of this show. So that is my Wednesday nights.
Then, Thursday is the return of The Office season 4... and my favorite Dundies are back.
So. I watch 3 hours of TV a week, but in my opinion they are the best 3 hours.
What shows do you watch regularly?
I must say I love fall.
I'm not much of a TV watcher - I get my news from the internet and spend most of my time on my computer listening to music and surfing the webz or watching DVD's of one of the shows below.
Tonight, one of my favorite shows (House, season 4) has it's season premiere. for anyone who has not watched House - get with the program. Seriously.
I sadly missed last weeks premiere of America's Next Top Model cycle 9... and can't hardly believe there have been 9 cycles of this show. So that is my Wednesday nights.
Then, Thursday is the return of The Office season 4... and my favorite Dundies are back.
So. I watch 3 hours of TV a week, but in my opinion they are the best 3 hours.
What shows do you watch regularly?
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