Hello readers!
One thing that my therapist and I have discussed at great lengths is catching yourself before you fall.
When a person with bpd encounters an obstacle in the "road of life", let me tell you, they fall and they fall hard. This leads to cuts and bruises that last for a long time. They lack the ability to see ahead that the road clears up, and they lack the ability to learn from their mistakes. This leads to a vicious cycle of falling and hurting and falling and hurting instead of falling and hurting and healing by avoiding the obstacles in the first place.
I know I am a victim to this. I make the same mistakes over and over again, even though I should know better. No matter how many times I convince myself I've learned my lesson, all thought goes out of my head when I'm actually in the situation. So my next step is learning how to stop and think. It's just like our "theme" here at work. Stop. Think. Protect. Yes, my work life applies to my personal life. Insane, I know.
So I'm going to start looking ahead, down that path of life, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to avoid the giant rocks (aka matt#2.)
9.28.2007
9.26.2007
OMG I almost forgot a blog today!
Hello readers!
You will be happy to hear that with my new hours, I have been incredibly busy at work. The down side is that I have less time for blog writing.
I may need to reschedule my blogging time to later in the evening...
You will be happy to hear that with my new hours, I have been incredibly busy at work. The down side is that I have less time for blog writing.
I may need to reschedule my blogging time to later in the evening...
9.25.2007
excitement is growing
Hello readers!
I must say I love fall.
I'm not much of a TV watcher - I get my news from the internet and spend most of my time on my computer listening to music and surfing the webz or watching DVD's of one of the shows below.
Tonight, one of my favorite shows (House, season 4) has it's season premiere. for anyone who has not watched House - get with the program. Seriously.
I sadly missed last weeks premiere of America's Next Top Model cycle 9... and can't hardly believe there have been 9 cycles of this show. So that is my Wednesday nights.
Then, Thursday is the return of The Office season 4... and my favorite Dundies are back.
So. I watch 3 hours of TV a week, but in my opinion they are the best 3 hours.
What shows do you watch regularly?
I must say I love fall.
I'm not much of a TV watcher - I get my news from the internet and spend most of my time on my computer listening to music and surfing the webz or watching DVD's of one of the shows below.
Tonight, one of my favorite shows (House, season 4) has it's season premiere. for anyone who has not watched House - get with the program. Seriously.
I sadly missed last weeks premiere of America's Next Top Model cycle 9... and can't hardly believe there have been 9 cycles of this show. So that is my Wednesday nights.
Then, Thursday is the return of The Office season 4... and my favorite Dundies are back.
So. I watch 3 hours of TV a week, but in my opinion they are the best 3 hours.
What shows do you watch regularly?
9.24.2007
the greatest gift
Hello readers,
So. This weekend was good. Very good.
And that's all I'm at liberty to say.
But if you're curious, ask me.
So. This weekend was good. Very good.
And that's all I'm at liberty to say.
But if you're curious, ask me.
9.21.2007
My strange eating habits
Hello x2, readers!
I also wanted to write a blog about a subject that seems to come up more often that one would think. My strange eating habits.
I have been known to eat some very strange things. One of my favorite snacks is buttered bread. But it has to be I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and the bread can't be toasted. I could (and have) eaten it for all 3 meals of a day.
An Ellis family tradition is "taco goop". Taco-seasoned beef, cheese, sour cream, and western dressing - and tomatoes if there are still any left.
When I was younger(and I'll still admit to doing it not too long ago) is butter and maple syrup. Like, on pancakes or waffles only without them.
A big passion of mine is peanut butter and potato chip sandwiches... Ruffles work the best for these.
What kinds of weird foods do you eat?
I also wanted to write a blog about a subject that seems to come up more often that one would think. My strange eating habits.
I have been known to eat some very strange things. One of my favorite snacks is buttered bread. But it has to be I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and the bread can't be toasted. I could (and have) eaten it for all 3 meals of a day.
An Ellis family tradition is "taco goop". Taco-seasoned beef, cheese, sour cream, and western dressing - and tomatoes if there are still any left.
When I was younger(and I'll still admit to doing it not too long ago) is butter and maple syrup. Like, on pancakes or waffles only without them.
A big passion of mine is peanut butter and potato chip sandwiches... Ruffles work the best for these.
What kinds of weird foods do you eat?
two-for-one day!
Hello readers!
Today you are going to be lucky, I have two (maybe 3) blogs to post. I've missed a few days and want to get caught up.
The first one is about my need to purchase a new camera. I bought a new one back in April-ish from Walmart. It took pictures, but they were rather low-quality and it was extremely sensitive- it had a long shutter time that you could not adjust, so almost every picture I took turned out blurry. The menus were difficult to navigate. The battery life was not as good as I had hoped. I was overall disappointed with the purchase, but it was better than no camera at all.
So. I am getting a substantial amount of money in early October (and my sister is working very hard to start paying back everything she owes me) and I am contemplating purchasing a new camera. Not a cheap one either. The one I am looking at is the Canon EOS 350D Digital Rebel XT Digital SLR. The unofficial best digital SLR out there.
The hard part is finding somewhere that sells them that doesn't involve internet. I'm the kind of person that likes to touch something before I drop $200+ on something (lesson I recently learned all too well.)
So I think that I will be getting that in early October. Look for an INSANE amount of photos added to my public photos on http://picasaweb.google.com/rysah57.
If anyone knows of a better digital that will take high quality (almost professional) pictures, let me know.
Today you are going to be lucky, I have two (maybe 3) blogs to post. I've missed a few days and want to get caught up.
The first one is about my need to purchase a new camera. I bought a new one back in April-ish from Walmart. It took pictures, but they were rather low-quality and it was extremely sensitive- it had a long shutter time that you could not adjust, so almost every picture I took turned out blurry. The menus were difficult to navigate. The battery life was not as good as I had hoped. I was overall disappointed with the purchase, but it was better than no camera at all.
So. I am getting a substantial amount of money in early October (and my sister is working very hard to start paying back everything she owes me) and I am contemplating purchasing a new camera. Not a cheap one either. The one I am looking at is the Canon EOS 350D Digital Rebel XT Digital SLR. The unofficial best digital SLR out there.
The hard part is finding somewhere that sells them that doesn't involve internet. I'm the kind of person that likes to touch something before I drop $200+ on something (lesson I recently learned all too well.)
So I think that I will be getting that in early October. Look for an INSANE amount of photos added to my public photos on http://picasaweb.google.com/rysah57.
If anyone knows of a better digital that will take high quality (almost professional) pictures, let me know.
9.17.2007
if your slate is clean
Hello again readers!
Today I'm pretty lost in thought... and I'm thinking about friendship. I have very few really close friends, and I like it that way. Lonely, yes, but I know who I can count on to tell me not to go blonde because it will turn out orange and who will remind me of the 239 reasons why I can not upon penalty of a broken heart go back to a certain ex-boyfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who would take a bullet for a friend rather than save herself. I actually consider it a downfall of mine cause I have gotten screwed over many-a-time over it. But in the case of my two best friends, it's so worth it.
I know I've written little blurbs about my two best friends before, but I really want them to know how much they mean to me. I worry sometimes that they forget that I love them - but that may just be the bpd in me (if I forget about them, they'll forget about me).
...If it were not for Lauretta and Jeri, I would not be here...
Plain and simple.
I have had "friends" that have come through for me once or twice, but no one can conpare to Jeri and Lauretta. Yes, I went through a phase where I didn't talk to them for varying reasons (mainly because at the time I was distancing myself from people in general). And I'm sure they both hated me at one point too. But, we were girls then, late teens and early twenties. Drama meant everything, truth and honesty meant nothing.
We are now all adults, and are all trying to behave like adults. We're all raising fantastic children, we're all progressing into more grown-up careers, we're all living on our own (well, I'm living with my sister, not the same as living with parents!) and we all realize there is better things to do with our time than go out every night and get wasted. There's more to life than talking shit about people just to hear yourself talk.
I think my best friends are beautiful women, inside and out, and what I feel for them is deeper than friendship, stronger than love.
Today I'm pretty lost in thought... and I'm thinking about friendship. I have very few really close friends, and I like it that way. Lonely, yes, but I know who I can count on to tell me not to go blonde because it will turn out orange and who will remind me of the 239 reasons why I can not upon penalty of a broken heart go back to a certain ex-boyfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who would take a bullet for a friend rather than save herself. I actually consider it a downfall of mine cause I have gotten screwed over many-a-time over it. But in the case of my two best friends, it's so worth it.
I know I've written little blurbs about my two best friends before, but I really want them to know how much they mean to me. I worry sometimes that they forget that I love them - but that may just be the bpd in me (if I forget about them, they'll forget about me).
...If it were not for Lauretta and Jeri, I would not be here...
Plain and simple.
I have had "friends" that have come through for me once or twice, but no one can conpare to Jeri and Lauretta. Yes, I went through a phase where I didn't talk to them for varying reasons (mainly because at the time I was distancing myself from people in general). And I'm sure they both hated me at one point too. But, we were girls then, late teens and early twenties. Drama meant everything, truth and honesty meant nothing.
We are now all adults, and are all trying to behave like adults. We're all raising fantastic children, we're all progressing into more grown-up careers, we're all living on our own (well, I'm living with my sister, not the same as living with parents!) and we all realize there is better things to do with our time than go out every night and get wasted. There's more to life than talking shit about people just to hear yourself talk.
I think my best friends are beautiful women, inside and out, and what I feel for them is deeper than friendship, stronger than love.
9.14.2007
Fridays are perfection
Hello readers!
Well, another week over. Fridays at work are super incredibly laid back, it makes it difficult to be inspired by anything. Today's blog is going to be rather short, but I wanted to touch on a key points that I've been thinking about today.
*Personal boundaries are really important.
Ever have that friend that just really tries to be exactly like you?
Yeah. That's normally me. I don't really have a sense of self. My interests, likes, dislikes, personality changes by the hour or day. There's a few that stay constant but overall they fluctuate like Oprah's weight. If my friends are in a good mood, so am I. If they are all into bright green spandex, guess what I'm buying? So I have been working on trying to figure out me, and be less like them.
Another side of that coin is stalking. I read online that the majority of stalkers have some type of diagnosable personality disorder. And I fully admit to being stalker-y. I crave interaction and knowledge. I'm the girlfriend that wants your passwords to everything, that shows up at your door without warning, that calls at 2 am if you forgot to say good night. And if you even show the slightest resistance, you are going to get a big crying storm.
If you can't deal with that, don't bother applying.
So. That's whats in my head today.
Well, another week over. Fridays at work are super incredibly laid back, it makes it difficult to be inspired by anything. Today's blog is going to be rather short, but I wanted to touch on a key points that I've been thinking about today.
*Personal boundaries are really important.
Ever have that friend that just really tries to be exactly like you?
Yeah. That's normally me. I don't really have a sense of self. My interests, likes, dislikes, personality changes by the hour or day. There's a few that stay constant but overall they fluctuate like Oprah's weight. If my friends are in a good mood, so am I. If they are all into bright green spandex, guess what I'm buying? So I have been working on trying to figure out me, and be less like them.
Another side of that coin is stalking. I read online that the majority of stalkers have some type of diagnosable personality disorder. And I fully admit to being stalker-y. I crave interaction and knowledge. I'm the girlfriend that wants your passwords to everything, that shows up at your door without warning, that calls at 2 am if you forgot to say good night. And if you even show the slightest resistance, you are going to get a big crying storm.
If you can't deal with that, don't bother applying.
So. That's whats in my head today.
9.13.2007
blogging
Hello readers!
Well. As we all know, I am TERRIBLE about saving money/getting out of debt. I purchased a sidekick iD yesterday. While I view it as a worthwhile purchase, as I really needed a new phone, I very easily could have lived without it.
How do you stop being an impulsive buyer? Isn't that kind of a trademark of borderline personality disorder? You're on meds, why do you keep spending like it's gonig out of style? - answer to that one is that the meds help regulate emotions, but they don't affect thought processes -
Well. I for one am going to stop carrying my check card with me. I am going to allocate myself a certain amount of cash each week to have for incidental purchases I may make during the week, but having the plastic makes it so much easier to spend. This will make my life harder (getting gas, online purchases), but it's worth it in the long run.
I am going to sit down and make a calendar that shows what the due date is on each of my bills, so I can see which weeks are going to really suck moneywise and plan ahead for them rather than being caught off-guard and scrounging for money one week of the month.
I am going to make a list of all my bills, the total amounts I owe on them, and what the monthly payments are. I have several that are in collections and the "monthly payment" is the total owed, and for those I will pay approximately 5% of the total bill per month.
When I get a windfall, some sort of extra or unplanned suprise, I normally do NOTHING with it. I don't pay things down, I don't save it, I don't buy some crazy something I don't need. It just gets put in my account, and spent. I need to put a kabosh to that. I opened an electric orange savings account at ING that earns like 5% on my savings. Higher than inflation. Higher than spending it on nothing. So 1/3 of "extra" money is going to savings, 1/3 to debt, and 1/3 to normal spending account. Fair enough.
I also plan on WRITING DOWN my financial goals, and looking at them every day. I think (wishful thinking, I know) that maybe if I can just keep remembering that I want 3k in savings by February, that I want all my bills except car and medical paid off by February maybe I won't buy caribou 3x a week, fast food almost daily, keep the desk stocked with candy, buy kristen stupid shit... it's a thought. I bet I could save $75 a week just on incidental purchases. I have about 123823945 caffeine pills at home, I should take one of those with water instead of buying pop. I have snacky foods here, and PB and wheat bread, I can eat those for lunch and probably feel fuller and healthier.
So, this week/weekend is going to really be a thoughtful one for me.
Well. As we all know, I am TERRIBLE about saving money/getting out of debt. I purchased a sidekick iD yesterday. While I view it as a worthwhile purchase, as I really needed a new phone, I very easily could have lived without it.
How do you stop being an impulsive buyer? Isn't that kind of a trademark of borderline personality disorder? You're on meds, why do you keep spending like it's gonig out of style? - answer to that one is that the meds help regulate emotions, but they don't affect thought processes -
Well. I for one am going to stop carrying my check card with me. I am going to allocate myself a certain amount of cash each week to have for incidental purchases I may make during the week, but having the plastic makes it so much easier to spend. This will make my life harder (getting gas, online purchases), but it's worth it in the long run.
I am going to sit down and make a calendar that shows what the due date is on each of my bills, so I can see which weeks are going to really suck moneywise and plan ahead for them rather than being caught off-guard and scrounging for money one week of the month.
I am going to make a list of all my bills, the total amounts I owe on them, and what the monthly payments are. I have several that are in collections and the "monthly payment" is the total owed, and for those I will pay approximately 5% of the total bill per month.
When I get a windfall, some sort of extra or unplanned suprise, I normally do NOTHING with it. I don't pay things down, I don't save it, I don't buy some crazy something I don't need. It just gets put in my account, and spent. I need to put a kabosh to that. I opened an electric orange savings account at ING that earns like 5% on my savings. Higher than inflation. Higher than spending it on nothing. So 1/3 of "extra" money is going to savings, 1/3 to debt, and 1/3 to normal spending account. Fair enough.
I also plan on WRITING DOWN my financial goals, and looking at them every day. I think (wishful thinking, I know) that maybe if I can just keep remembering that I want 3k in savings by February, that I want all my bills except car and medical paid off by February maybe I won't buy caribou 3x a week, fast food almost daily, keep the desk stocked with candy, buy kristen stupid shit... it's a thought. I bet I could save $75 a week just on incidental purchases. I have about 123823945 caffeine pills at home, I should take one of those with water instead of buying pop. I have snacky foods here, and PB and wheat bread, I can eat those for lunch and probably feel fuller and healthier.
So, this week/weekend is going to really be a thoughtful one for me.
9.12.2007
having a heart to heart (when you hate confrontation)
Hello readers!
As my close friends know, I'm having some problems with my sister. The number one problem being that I have paid our rent for most of April, all of June, July, August, and now September. The amount of money she owes me has exceeded $2000... an amount which I can no longer justify "putting off", especially now that we've gotten another eviction notice. Prior to living with her, I had never had an eviction notice in my life, not even way back when when Matt #1 and I had a $1100/mo rent payment and we were both making LESS THAN $10/hr. I've already talked to the office, and I will be getting them a check by Friday, but where do I draw the line?
We can not break the lease without paying for the remaining 5 months, to a total of $4500. Once we no longer live together, the likelihood of her paying me back decreases to almost nothing, as their rent will increase. I literally have been making myself sick over this, and I don't foresee it getting any better. On the plus side, the landlady wants to talk to me, alone, and I think it will be about breaking the lease.
So I talked to Laura last night when I got home. And it sucked, because I'm not a confrontational person. I always fear that the person is going to take what I say personally, when it is rarely personal at all. I just explained to her that the main reasons we moved in together were so that a)they would no longer need to live at my parents house in the middle of nowhere, b)my health would improve [not living alone hinders the suicidal tendencies and anti-socialness] and c)we could all save some money and get ourselves back on our feet. So far, only the first one has been accomplished. And that one is good for them, but is a non-issue for me.
I just hate feeling used and abused, ya know? That happens enough in my love life, it shouldn't in my family life.
My whole quality of life has actually decreased since we've been living together. I don't get to spend as much time doing stuff I like to do. I have to wear clothing at all times. I need to change my PIN number from something I've used for about oh, 10 years to something new because they know it and now are helping themselves to "borrowing" money that will never get paid back. My car is now at over 60,000 miles, and is a filthy disgusting mess. In the summer they would leave the A/C on day and night, raking up the electric bill (which I inevitably paid). I'll buy pop or food for ME and it disappears within a day, even if I mention that I'd like it to be not eaten.
Living alone sounds like a dream now.
I love my sister to death, literally. If this keeps up, I forsee another heart attack real soon.
As my close friends know, I'm having some problems with my sister. The number one problem being that I have paid our rent for most of April, all of June, July, August, and now September. The amount of money she owes me has exceeded $2000... an amount which I can no longer justify "putting off", especially now that we've gotten another eviction notice. Prior to living with her, I had never had an eviction notice in my life, not even way back when when Matt #1 and I had a $1100/mo rent payment and we were both making LESS THAN $10/hr. I've already talked to the office, and I will be getting them a check by Friday, but where do I draw the line?
We can not break the lease without paying for the remaining 5 months, to a total of $4500. Once we no longer live together, the likelihood of her paying me back decreases to almost nothing, as their rent will increase. I literally have been making myself sick over this, and I don't foresee it getting any better. On the plus side, the landlady wants to talk to me, alone, and I think it will be about breaking the lease.
So I talked to Laura last night when I got home. And it sucked, because I'm not a confrontational person. I always fear that the person is going to take what I say personally, when it is rarely personal at all. I just explained to her that the main reasons we moved in together were so that a)they would no longer need to live at my parents house in the middle of nowhere, b)my health would improve [not living alone hinders the suicidal tendencies and anti-socialness] and c)we could all save some money and get ourselves back on our feet. So far, only the first one has been accomplished. And that one is good for them, but is a non-issue for me.
I just hate feeling used and abused, ya know? That happens enough in my love life, it shouldn't in my family life.
My whole quality of life has actually decreased since we've been living together. I don't get to spend as much time doing stuff I like to do. I have to wear clothing at all times. I need to change my PIN number from something I've used for about oh, 10 years to something new because they know it and now are helping themselves to "borrowing" money that will never get paid back. My car is now at over 60,000 miles, and is a filthy disgusting mess. In the summer they would leave the A/C on day and night, raking up the electric bill (which I inevitably paid). I'll buy pop or food for ME and it disappears within a day, even if I mention that I'd like it to be not eaten.
Living alone sounds like a dream now.
I love my sister to death, literally. If this keeps up, I forsee another heart attack real soon.
9.11.2007
tuesday1
hello readers!
not much to blog about today. normal tuesday, slow news day, still dealing with yesterday's insanity.
luv yas!
not much to blog about today. normal tuesday, slow news day, still dealing with yesterday's insanity.
luv yas!
9.10.2007
My Monday
Hello Readers!
Well. My blog is going to be about something that I'm forced to deal with today.
On August 31, I purchased a large amount of DVD's from a user on ebay. Like, 108 altogether.
I've bought expensive items on ebay before, like my laptop. And I've been using ebay since 2001, I'd say I know how to be cautious, read auctions carefully, yadda yadda yadda. Only 1 other time did I have a problem with an item I purchased, and that was because it was a used video game that ended up freezing once it got to a certain part. And the guy refunded me the amount I paid (less shipping). And it was fine.
So when I read these two auctions, I had no qualms about buying the items, other than the fact that it was the money I wanted to spend on my sidekick. The guy had 100% feedback rating, no recent withdrawn negative feedback, the auction looked good.
Much to my dismay, when I get said DVDs, they are VERY MUCH SO not what the auction listed. They were chinese, in english language. and didn't work on any of the 3 dvd players i own OR my computer.
so I immediately log on to ebay to review the auction to see if I screwed up.
Nope. Auction listed as shipping from Texas. Auction said NTSC format. Neither of which were true. so I immediately send the seller a question.
These DVD's are not for US DVD players. Please advise how to return. Your auction listed Texas as location and said it was NTSC format.
His reply
they are from china ,they are chinese original dvds
So then I said
Well, yes, I can see that. Your auction FALSELY listed them as NTSC format (which is intended for North American players). I would like to return them and the [removed to protect the nerdy] that I purchased as well for a refund as they are unplayable. I also intend on filing a complaint with Ebay
to which he replied
Sorry about that ,and Would you please give some advice about how to make up the DVDs or dealing? i hope you can not a complaint with Ebay.thank you!
I refund your $100? is ok?
... $100? I spent OVER $250 on these DVD's altogether. So.
I also purchased [that other geeky set of DVD's]. I paid $129 on each so I'd like a total refund of $258. I will mail them back to you today, as they are worthless to me.
Your auctions need to list the format of the DVD's. This is crucial to international buyers. I have chosen not to file complaint as you are trying to fix the problem.
so. I am desperately waiting to see what comes of it. I've researched the buyer protection programs and it appears that I am covered by ebay and/or paypal so... its just so frustrating! I am not even asking for the $27 in shipping I paid on the items, and I'm paying to return them out-of-pocket. It just suckssssss so freaking bad. I want to die.
Well. My blog is going to be about something that I'm forced to deal with today.
On August 31, I purchased a large amount of DVD's from a user on ebay. Like, 108 altogether.
I've bought expensive items on ebay before, like my laptop. And I've been using ebay since 2001, I'd say I know how to be cautious, read auctions carefully, yadda yadda yadda. Only 1 other time did I have a problem with an item I purchased, and that was because it was a used video game that ended up freezing once it got to a certain part. And the guy refunded me the amount I paid (less shipping). And it was fine.
So when I read these two auctions, I had no qualms about buying the items, other than the fact that it was the money I wanted to spend on my sidekick. The guy had 100% feedback rating, no recent withdrawn negative feedback, the auction looked good.
Much to my dismay, when I get said DVDs, they are VERY MUCH SO not what the auction listed. They were chinese, in english language. and didn't work on any of the 3 dvd players i own OR my computer.
so I immediately log on to ebay to review the auction to see if I screwed up.
Nope. Auction listed as shipping from Texas. Auction said NTSC format. Neither of which were true. so I immediately send the seller a question.
These DVD's are not for US DVD players. Please advise how to return. Your auction listed Texas as location and said it was NTSC format.
His reply
they are from china ,they are chinese original dvds
So then I said
Well, yes, I can see that. Your auction FALSELY listed them as NTSC format (which is intended for North American players). I would like to return them and the [removed to protect the nerdy] that I purchased as well for a refund as they are unplayable. I also intend on filing a complaint with Ebay
to which he replied
Sorry about that ,and Would you please give some advice about how to make up the DVDs or dealing? i hope you can not a complaint with Ebay.thank you!
I refund your $100? is ok?
... $100? I spent OVER $250 on these DVD's altogether. So.
I also purchased [that other geeky set of DVD's]. I paid $129 on each so I'd like a total refund of $258. I will mail them back to you today, as they are worthless to me.
Your auctions need to list the format of the DVD's. This is crucial to international buyers. I have chosen not to file complaint as you are trying to fix the problem.
so. I am desperately waiting to see what comes of it. I've researched the buyer protection programs and it appears that I am covered by ebay and/or paypal so... its just so frustrating! I am not even asking for the $27 in shipping I paid on the items, and I'm paying to return them out-of-pocket. It just suckssssss so freaking bad. I want to die.
9.08.2007
oops missed a day
I'm so sorry readers!
I missed my normal update Friday.
Today I want to reveal some secrets about me. Secrets I don't know if anyone in the whole world knows.
My left foot is a half a shoe size bigger than my right.
I have the ability to make myself puke just by thinking about it.
My least favorite color is orange.
I wear a size 16, and am a 34D.
I'm totally a car (and shower) singer.
I only wear makeup when I'm going out with friends who wear makeup (or I want to look nice to impress a boy).
I haven't had a haircut in almost 2 years.
I am horribly addicted to caffeine.
I really enjoy writing, and wish I did it more often.
I don't believe in true love.
I actually think I have an OK singing voice.
I believe in horoscopes.
I think Weird Al is hilarious.
I enjoy listening to Hanson.
I like to read ancient texts; Homer, Dante, etc.
Hell, I like reading and learning in general.
After 25 years on this Earth, I couldn't even begin to describe myself.
I miss high school.
I'd rather be happy than rich.
My mother never gave me any of the "talks"... and I hate her for it.
I have sent in 4 submissions to Post Secret.
My favorite sport to watch is curling.
Every day I wake up and wonder if today will be the day I have a fatal heart attack.
I am not entirely sure if anyone actually likes me.
I am inexplicably drawn to unavailable or unattainable men.
I try to buy people's affection.
I'm anti-social because then if I run out of things to say, I don't worry about boring people.
I don't believe in heaven or hell.
I have a fear of large trucks, thanks to the movie Maximum Overdrive.
I've lost some friends I wish I would have kept, and kept some "friends" that should get lost.
For as many people as I've been with in my life, I've been rejected by just as many.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
I missed my normal update Friday.
Today I want to reveal some secrets about me. Secrets I don't know if anyone in the whole world knows.
My left foot is a half a shoe size bigger than my right.
I have the ability to make myself puke just by thinking about it.
My least favorite color is orange.
I wear a size 16, and am a 34D.
I'm totally a car (and shower) singer.
I only wear makeup when I'm going out with friends who wear makeup (or I want to look nice to impress a boy).
I haven't had a haircut in almost 2 years.
I am horribly addicted to caffeine.
I really enjoy writing, and wish I did it more often.
I don't believe in true love.
I actually think I have an OK singing voice.
I believe in horoscopes.
I think Weird Al is hilarious.
I enjoy listening to Hanson.
I like to read ancient texts; Homer, Dante, etc.
Hell, I like reading and learning in general.
After 25 years on this Earth, I couldn't even begin to describe myself.
I miss high school.
I'd rather be happy than rich.
My mother never gave me any of the "talks"... and I hate her for it.
I have sent in 4 submissions to Post Secret.
My favorite sport to watch is curling.
Every day I wake up and wonder if today will be the day I have a fatal heart attack.
I am not entirely sure if anyone actually likes me.
I am inexplicably drawn to unavailable or unattainable men.
I try to buy people's affection.
I'm anti-social because then if I run out of things to say, I don't worry about boring people.
I don't believe in heaven or hell.
I have a fear of large trucks, thanks to the movie Maximum Overdrive.
I've lost some friends I wish I would have kept, and kept some "friends" that should get lost.
For as many people as I've been with in my life, I've been rejected by just as many.
I'm afraid of dying alone.
9.06.2007
lessons of a thursday
Well fellow readers,
I've learned today that there is no such thing as a do-over day card. Everything that has gone wrong in my life today is now a permanent part of history.
Boo.
I've learned today that there is no such thing as a do-over day card. Everything that has gone wrong in my life today is now a permanent part of history.
Boo.
9.05.2007
those random questions
Hello readers!
After my week-long hiatus, I am back. And armed to the T with random questions.
Describe your worst first date: Well. I would have to say my worst first date would have to be the time the guy took me to a car show. As we all know, I'm probably the least into-cars person on the planet. After 3 hours of being bored out of my mind and feigning interest in engines... he took me home. I never called him again.
Describe your best friend: Well, I have 2 best friends. Jeri and Lauretta.
We'll start with Jeri. She is probably the one person on this planet that I feel like shes on the same level as I am. I know that sounds strange but with everyone else I think I've ever met, I feel inferior. So then I'm miserable trying to be someone or something else. With Jeri, I feel like who I am is good enough. It's weird. Jeri likes such music as Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco, is engaged to Kent, has a son Phoenix, likes chinese food and diet pepsi, works at the star trib, drinks caramel coolers at caribou, has vodka collins when we go out. brown eyes, but wears blue contacts. She is trying to be above drama, and is doing fantastically well for herself. funniest story about me and Jeri is the time she called me on New Years Day to rescue her and Kate from Duluth. Drove all the way there and all the way home. Real fun.
Then there is Lauretta. I love this girl more than I love anything else on the planet. She is just as crazy as I am. Always falls for the losers, but she's learning. Has daughter Chloe, drives a mustang, has implants, works for perkins, also addicted to caribou, has a weakness for wendys and phentermine. Funniest story about me and Lauretta is the time I went to her parents house while I was pregnant with Kristen and her dad told me she wasn't home - but I had locked my car keys in my car. I sat outside her house for a really long ass time, in October. Cold and pregnant. Fun.
If you could give someone you care about one gift with no spending limit, what would it be? I think I'd give my sister a house. She and Willy have struggled so hard to make ends meet and provide a decent life for Jestyn (and now Johnathan). I'd like to see her relax and be 21 for once.
If you could meet one person from history who would it be? edgar allen poe.
List 10 things people associate you with? ranch dressing, mashed potatoes, kristen, the color pink, video games, mountain dew, band geek, house m.d., taco tuesday, the girl with the candy
Who is your celebrity crush? (haha thanks Jeri and Lauretta) Tom Brady. Hottest man alive. I'd do anything to be with him.
After my week-long hiatus, I am back. And armed to the T with random questions.
Describe your worst first date: Well. I would have to say my worst first date would have to be the time the guy took me to a car show. As we all know, I'm probably the least into-cars person on the planet. After 3 hours of being bored out of my mind and feigning interest in engines... he took me home. I never called him again.
Describe your best friend: Well, I have 2 best friends. Jeri and Lauretta.
We'll start with Jeri. She is probably the one person on this planet that I feel like shes on the same level as I am. I know that sounds strange but with everyone else I think I've ever met, I feel inferior. So then I'm miserable trying to be someone or something else. With Jeri, I feel like who I am is good enough. It's weird. Jeri likes such music as Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco, is engaged to Kent, has a son Phoenix, likes chinese food and diet pepsi, works at the star trib, drinks caramel coolers at caribou, has vodka collins when we go out. brown eyes, but wears blue contacts. She is trying to be above drama, and is doing fantastically well for herself. funniest story about me and Jeri is the time she called me on New Years Day to rescue her and Kate from Duluth. Drove all the way there and all the way home. Real fun.
Then there is Lauretta. I love this girl more than I love anything else on the planet. She is just as crazy as I am. Always falls for the losers, but she's learning. Has daughter Chloe, drives a mustang, has implants, works for perkins, also addicted to caribou, has a weakness for wendys and phentermine. Funniest story about me and Lauretta is the time I went to her parents house while I was pregnant with Kristen and her dad told me she wasn't home - but I had locked my car keys in my car. I sat outside her house for a really long ass time, in October. Cold and pregnant. Fun.
If you could give someone you care about one gift with no spending limit, what would it be? I think I'd give my sister a house. She and Willy have struggled so hard to make ends meet and provide a decent life for Jestyn (and now Johnathan). I'd like to see her relax and be 21 for once.
If you could meet one person from history who would it be? edgar allen poe.
List 10 things people associate you with? ranch dressing, mashed potatoes, kristen, the color pink, video games, mountain dew, band geek, house m.d., taco tuesday, the girl with the candy
Who is your celebrity crush? (haha thanks Jeri and Lauretta) Tom Brady. Hottest man alive. I'd do anything to be with him.
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