an open letter to the world

Hello readers,
I know, it's been a long time. The holidays are a crazy time, and I've been incredibly busy in my personal life, on the never-ending hunt for a new boyfriend.

I really need to get a few things out there, in letter form.

Dear potential boyfriends of America,
I don't think I should have to write most of these things down, as they seem rather common sense to me, but apparantly I live in fairytale world. I like to think I'm a cute, fairly normal, young woman. I happen to be a parent, and divorced, and carrying some emotional baggage - but nothing that isn't able to be dealt with.

If you are married, don't talk dirty to me and try to get in my pants. For clarification - I was separated from my husband for years before our divorce was finalized. I completely understand that. However, I have been contacted by guys who have been married 6 months or less and still live with their wives. On what planet do you think this is ok? I have been on the "cheated on" side, and it sucks so badly. I feel for anyone who gets cheated on. Yes, in the past I slept with unavailable guys, fully knowing that they were taken. However, when I tell you I am clearly not looking for a one-night stand, that should indicate to you that it's not going to work.

On those same lines, I AM looking for a relationship. If I don't put out on the first date, it's to weed out the NSA guys from the real winners. And yes, relationships are my intent. If they aren't yours, don't bother. I don't want to date a couple times, have sex, then find out you weren't really looking for commitment. It's going to hurt my feelings, I promise.

Also, when I talk to you 20 minutes before our date is supposed to begin, I'm not really going to believe that you "fell asleep" so that's why you didn't answer my phone calls or texts. And then be a ditcher again a few days later. I'm definitely a forgiver, and I get walked on all the time because I'm so nice, but seriously. There's a limit to how many times I'm going to let you do this before I give up.

Please do not show up for our date in sweatpants. Or dirty clothing. Or smelling like alcohol. I look presentable. I'd like a guy who does as well. Also, theres a lot of topics that are acceptable for first-date talk. When we're sitting in Green Mill, I don't want to hear about your last girlfriend, or how horny you are. Use your manners, for pete's sake.

Please don't tell me repeatedly how beautiful I am. I know you're lying to get in my pants, and I don't need it. Once or twice is sufficient for you to get your point across. More than that it seems forced, or creepy. I used to work retail, and I've been leered at; I don't want my boyfriend to look at me like that. On the same note, I'd prefer you not say "I'm so ugly" or "why do you want me?" like a million times. I want you because I want you. You're not ugly, and if you are, I still don't want to be reminded of that fact a hundred times.

And dear future boyfriend, I will never ever choose you over my daughter. I will want you to meet her in the relatively near future. I will expect you to like and/or love her. I will not make her call you dad - she has a father who, while being a lousy husband is actually a pretty good dad, and I'm not looking for a replacement father anytime soon.

Dearest future lover, I have my problems. I don't think it is unreasonable that I let you in on a few of the bigger ones up front. I've got a heart condition, doesn't make me unlovable. I promise. I've been divorced, and my marriage was pretty lousy. His fault, not mine. I have 2 best friends who will whoop your ass if you hurt me. But you know what? If you like me, you're gonna have to like all of me. Toughen up.



Much love,
Mary :)